Yeesh, I go to the market so often you’d think I’d have this routine down: Put food in my cart, pay and walk out. Is that so hard?
Okay, so this time I didn’t leave my perfect mango in my cart and accidentally take another person’s cart, like last time. Today, I’m at the register with my all my own food choices. I hear a lady allow a dad and his son to go ahead of her, one line over. As I’m getting prepared for a swift pay and go–getting my debit card out and my grocery app up on my phone, so the cashier can scan it–the lady walks over and stands behind me, holding only two peaches.
Me: Please go ahead of me.
Lady: Really?
Me: Yes, please.
She pays, thanks me again and leaves.
My turn at the register. I hold my phone up to the cashier for the grocery app to be scanned, with my left hand, while putting my debit card in with my right.
Cashier: Umm… she’s very pretty.
Me: Hmmm?
Cashier: But I don’t want to scan her face.
I turn my phone toward me and see that I’m holding a photo of my daughter up to the check out lady, the grocery app had disappeared. D’Oh!
Me: Yeah, you know, just thought I’d show off my daughter… as I often do at the check out.
We both started howling.
As if I didn’t feel like an idiot already, as I’m leaving, I hold my car key fob, point it to the grocery store doors and click it. When they slide open, on command, as automatic doors will do, it takes me a beat too long to realize what I did.
Sometimes I wonder how I’m still here.
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