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Memory in Memoir

A reader wrote online, after reading some of my childhood stories in my book, “Craving Normal,” they don’t believe I can have memories going back to four to five years old and suggested I was fed stories from my mother. I’ve seen this comment made regarding other memoir writers’ memories.

I have a theory about early memories (or later memories): when every day is much the same, sure, nothing really stands out. It’s harder to recall those all the same days.
I don’t remember every day of our suburban life, either. It was routine. Breakfast. TV. Lunch. Dinner. Bedtime prayer. Repeat.

But I do have clear memories, even as young as three, of things that I did, experienced, or thought which became carved into my brain, things I often thought about: thinking Jack Lalanne was talking to me from my TV, because I thought that was really cool he thought I was so important. I remember screaming about the Giants returning to SF, as I heard on the radio, until my mom explained they weren’t the kid-eating kind, but the baseball-playing kind. I remember stand out moments, like the one Christmas I wrote about and how I had to deal with my father’s idea of decoration, in my tale “Suicidal Santa.” Many Christmases that followed are a blur in comparison.

When you have moments you will NEVER forget, when the world goes from pastel to psychedelic, when you have exciting, sometimes life-threatening experiences—every day is different and stands out. One day we left the suburbs. Another day, I had awaken on a cove in Greece. Another, we arrived in Morocco on a Halloween night. I remember. Those experiences are carved into the grooves of my brain.

As for detail, I did use info about our Belgian car accident and gun hold up from my parents’ European journal, i.e., the car flying toward us, how the car went up in flames. It was scary and I remember my sister being tossed to the floor, her going into shock, and yet I still ate the ice cream I was offered, while she couldn’t. From my parents’ European journals I received the exact details of the out-of-control car’s maneuvers, as well as the exact amount of francs involved in the gun hold-up.

THAT was another experience I told from my perspective. One I will never forget. It’s hard to forget fearing for my life, facing an angry man with a gun, as my father taunted the gun-holder. So it was like gold to find the journal AFTER I wrote my story and that it matched my memory and revealed details of the money in dispute. I had no idea how many francs, until then, caused my father to risk our lives. But that story IS mine, seen through my eyes, and deeply carved in my brain.

My mother saw everything from her view, as an adult and parent. She often tells of a scary moment on the English ferry, when we first arrived in Europe. I have only fuzzy scenes in my head. I didn’t write about that. That’s my mother’s tale. That was why I wrote MY stories from my perspective. Those stories are mine.

I suspect this person who assumes I can’t really remember, and must have taken my mother’s memories, can’t relate due to their own unremarkable childhood. I suppose they could never imagine a childhood that could be remembered so well. She/he didn’t have my experiences—many of which were inspired by childhood photos, provoking memories, like a photo of French river picnic I share in the book. When I see my family eating on the bank of the river, I recall how much I enjoyed it at the time and, to this day, no picnic can live up to it. I remember that experience.

But each photo I included is just a visual matching my memories, not creating the stories.

"Craving Normal," back book cover.
“Craving Normal,” back book cover.
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My First Book Event for “Craving Normal,” at Valley Relics Museum

My first book event (storytelling, book signing, and surprises)   for “Craving Normal,”–it’s going to be at this amazing place: Valley Relics Museum. Save the date, June 6th at 7pm. But come a half hour early to enjoy this groovy venue, lots of LA/Valley music history and more. And free pinball! Plus, I’ve got some surprises planned.

I won’t be able to announce my lovely line up of writers until I have all the final details, but I promise you’ll want to be there–a rockin’ & raucous night is in the works.

Thank you Tommy Gelinas and Mary Neubauer. I’m so excited!

My Book Event will be at Valley Relics Museum in Van Nuys

My Book Event will be at Valley Relics Museum in Van NuysPhoto 1: Tommy Gelinas, the man who runs this fascinating and fun museum. His energy is as luminescent as his vast neon sign collection.

Photo 2: I’m posing with rock photographer John Shiner, who took these great photos of Bowie and Freddie (on his T-shirt), when he was only thirteen years old.

Photo 3: Did I mention free pinball?

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My book, “Craving Normal,” Now at Green Apple Books in San Francisco and Skylight Books in Los Angeles

You will now find Craving Normal on the memoir section shelves of Green Apple Books, 506 Clement Street in San Francisco.

 

My book Craving Normal is at Green Apple Books in San Francisco on ClementFind Craving Normal at Green Apple Books on Clement in San Francisco, and Skylight Books in Los Angeles. Read Michele’s “crazy stories,” as her editor called them. More reader quotes below. More info about Craving Normal.

Elliot said, “Oh man, your book is brilliant, heartfelt and hilarious! I can’t stop reading it. The story about Santa is fantastic, and when I turned over the page to see the picture of you with suicide Santa splayed out on the roof, I was crying with laughter. You’re a true talent.”

Greg: “…the family dishrag passages!! I laughed out loud in my room late into the night over these and thought if anyone passed by my door and heard me laughing uncontrollably, they might have me committed today! Can’t wait for tonight’s reading!”

Michele shares some of the wild stories of her life with us, and I started chuckling, laughing and snarfing right at the beginning, with the “Suicidal Santa”, a truly hysterical tale of Christmas wackiness. Her writing style is easy, inviting and personal, her details are delicious, and if you’re of a certain age, this will all ring bells with the memories of being alive in that liberated era. Strap yourself in for the “bathroom story”, it’s crying out to be a scene in a Kristen Wiig movie. Highly recommended.

Craving Normal is what happens when you combine benign neglect with someone who is willing to find the silver lining and laugh about it. Go on a journey with Michele as she travels back in time and across the Atlantic to find she is still surrounded by cringe worthy adults and their antics. A must read for anyone who can relate to being the odd one out in a world of lunacy. You’ll love it. I promise.

Michele’s story is a fascinating read into one perspective on growing up. The story is interesting only because her writing puts the reader right inside the story. As I have already said the girl can really write and tell a story. You will enjoy this book immensely.

 

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I Cassava Your Problem… Another Awkward Moment in My Life

I cassava your problem (This really bad pun will make sense further into this post):

In the market, I look around as my items are being scanned. The woman behind me is holding a bag of Siete Tortilla Chips. Her eyes are close to the the bag as she reads it. She turns the bag over to read the other side.

Me: Those are really good.

Her: I’m having people over, so…

Me: They’re the best grain-free tortilla chips I’ve had.

She’s looking closer at the chip ingredients.

Her: Really?

I nod. And put my card in the payment slot.

Her: So what’s cassava flour?

Me: Some sort of root vegetable flour.

She gives me an odd look. Is it skepticism? What does she think, I’m some sort of covert cassava operative?

I finish my payment.

Her: See, if they ARE good then I’ll eat them.

Me: Oh? Well…

Her: I don’t want something I’ll want to eat.

I look back at her, as I push my cart away.

Me: Well…

I don’t know whether to say–“Enjoy” or “Good luck” or…? I’m perplexed how to end this odd moment.

Her: If I eat these… I’m blaming (she points at me) YOU.

Veronica from The Archies
Veronica from The Archies***

Man, I didn’t see that situation happening. I thought I was being helpful.

Note: I found this image of Veronica from the Archie Comics. So I think it’s pretty funny that, afterward, when I went to find a link about Siete Tortilla Chips, I noticed this interesting story about the founders is written by Veronica Garza. She’s co-founder & president of Siete.

No, I’m not a Siete covert operative, trying to slickly plug their product. But I do like the chips and now even more after reading the Siete family business story, here.

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You Want Meet-Cute? My Book’s Got That & More

Okay, so I’m learning terms I don’t normally use pertaining to stories. One being, “meet-cute.” My new book, Craving Normal, not only has that, it has adventure, terror, young adult, coming-of-age, rom-com, movie star & musician encounters, social commentary with a twist, and more.

My true tales cover almost every genre but dystopian disaster. But, then again…

Available on Amazon and Skylight Books in Los Feliz, California and here at Amazon.

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“Craving Normal,” My Nonfiction Story Collection, is Available on Amazon

“Craving Normal,” is now available to buy in print, here. And the eBook will be available soon. I hope you enjoy my stories, reading my view of life–as kooky as many of my tales may be. To quote my editor, “I enjoyed your crazy stories…” Well, I hope you do too.

Wheeew, this book has been like going through birth and raising a kid. The time it took to get this baby out, it should be driving by now. With that in mind, hop in and take a ride!

If you enjoy my tales, I’d love for you to leave a review on Amazon and/or Goodreads.com.

"Craving Normal," written by Michele Miles Gardiner
“Craving Normal,” written by Michele Miles Gardiner

 

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First Cell Phone – Get this. I Used It to Call People!

Here’s the first cell phone I ever used (top photo), way back in the late ’90s. Found it yesterday. Oddly, upon seeing this teeny techy thing, I got a little nostalgic thinking back to when I used it only for PHONE CALLS. Weird, right? That sounds so quaint now that I’m walking around with a gadget that allows me to text/record and edit mini movies/rant/respond to emails… But when someone calls me on it? I don’t hear it.

Wearing my 1990's Mom Jeans
The 1990s: mom jeans, Zima and cell phones I couldn’t yet use to humiliate myself.

Yep, looking at this old device wistfully, I thought about simpler times, before smart phones, back when (cue flashback music): I didn’t accidentally text a male friend “I love you!” meant for my daughter; didn’t get into heated arguments with online strangers; didn’t accidentally reveal to business-related people scantily clad photos of myself; didn’t stick my phone in my pocket, causing my butt wiggle to activate a YouTube video, so that the entire market produce section heard a Louis CK raunchy rant (I looked around for far too long wondering where the rant was coming from. Duh! My pocket!). Yes, long ago I could walk my dog without getting pinged, vibrated and beeped from business contacts… which I once could escape, momentarily.

Still, I would never want to go back to pre cell phone days. I spent far too many hours, when I first moved to LA, stranded with my array of broken cars on nearly every So Cal freeway – the 101, the 405, the 170 – sweaty, dusty and crying out to nobody. Yeah, cell phones are a much better option than screaming toward the smoggy sky. Halloween of 1987, I spent six hours on the 101 freeway, on the fast lane shoulder, as cars – including quite a few police cars – sped by me. Meanwhile, my boyfriend who was expecting me home, was sick worrying. Eventually, some kind soul scooped me up and dropped me off at a pay phone.

Pay phones. Remember the ones in a booth? To think we once went into a booth, and closed the door behind us, for privacy. Today we can walk down the street yelling at people, announce to the world we had amazing sex, share exciting news to everyone at our local coffee place. Privacy is so passé… I say as I type my thoughts out into the virtual world. Yeah, I’m a whiny hypocrite. But at least when I eat dinner with you I’ll be whining as I stare at your face and not my cell phone.

Vintage ad from Pacific Telephone about the phone booths of the future
Vintage ad from Pacific Telephone about the phone booths of the future. Way to predict the future, Pacific Telephone!
Woman with old portable phone
Look at her! So proud of her cumbersome telephonic device. At least she isn’t capable of showing strangers her scantily clad photos. Found this here.
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How To Become Broke and Influence Nobody

I thought of my next book’s title: “How to Become Broke and Influence Nobody.” Yep, last night while making dinner (okay, heating up leftover chili cheese fries), I realized I’ve had so many crappy jobs, all while making absolutely no money, I could fill an entire book.

I’ve been an awful waitress (After spilling a tray of filled beer mugs on customers, they returned another night wearing yellow raincoats), a bad showroom model (I accidentally insulted a designer), a terrible receptionist… a not-so-great aerobics instructor.

Well, here’s an excerpt from my book, Craving Normal.

While working as a movie extra, I got a second job as an aerobics instructor. I figured, why not get paid and get in shape? But I could only bounce my way to a tighter butt and shin splints at minimum wage for so long.

A few months after working at Holiday Spa in Torrance, I called in to let my manager know my car overheated and broke down. Since I was living in Hollywood—nearly an hour drive away from work—I wouldn’t be able to make it that day without a car. That’s the way I figured it, anyway. But my manager “helped me out.” She said, “No problem. Kimmy lives in your area and can pick you up on her way to work.”

I yelped a fake, “Great,” and shuffled off to get ready for Kimmy, a cute blonde aerobics instructor, to pick me up.

Wearing my aerobics outfit—nothing more than a tiny shirt, tights under black French-cut bikini bottoms, big, poufy socks, and white bouncy shoes—I waited on the sidewalk in front of my apartment. Kimmy pulled up to the curb, and I jumped in. Right away, we bonded. Not only were we both out in public wearing little clothing, but after talking, we learned we were both burned out from being bubbly every work day. We agreed we were tired of cheering people on to tighter thighs. “Come on, ladies! One, two, three, four, keep it up—just a little more! Five, six, seven, eight. Keep going. Doing great!”

We drove through the palm tree-lined streets and headed south toward the Torrance Holiday Spa via PCH, parallel to the ocean. It was a stunning summer day. As we passed the sparkling blue water of the Pacific and tanned guys carrying their surfboards, Kimmy said, “Wow, the sky’s so blue. Beautiful day.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, looking toward the beach and the tanned guys, “and . . . so hot.”

We looked at each other. I knew what she was thinking. She knew what I was thinking. The beach was way too tempting. Kimmy stopped at a pay phone and called in to the spa. “You won’t believe our luck. My darn car overheated. Can you believe it?”
Somehow, I don’t think they did.

 

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Pizza Booth Time Machine

While reading former Rolling Stone magazine writer Jancee Dunn’s book, But Enough About Me, she mentioned Scritti Politti playing on her date’s car radio. I put down my book and went to remind myself of Scritti Politti’s songs. Below the video of “Perfect Way,” a guy commented, “Hot Tub Time Machine brought me here.” So that’s why I watched Hot Tub Machine, last night.

Goofy as it is, the movie Hot Tub Time Machine got me thinking about things I did in the past that changed my destiny, resulting in my present day life. Many of those moments were silly. I began thinking: What if I didn’t do (fill in the blank)? Would I be where I am today?

One of my “What ifs” involved John Cusack, in 1987. In Hot Tub Time Machine, John Cusack gets blasted back to 1986.

 

So, without any explanation, here are some of my sillier what ifs. To find out what they mean you’ll have to read my book Craving Normal and the chapter, “What the Hell Just Happened?”

*What if I never annoyed John Cusack as we sat together in a red booth at Damiano’s Pizza on Fairfax?

 

*What if my roommate’s boyfriend didn’t eat all my kung pao shrimp?

*What if I never became an aerobics instructor?

*What if I allowed that car thief to move into my Reseda apartment?

Answer: Nothing about my life would be the same.

Little did I know my goofy antics with John Cusack in that red booth at Damiano’s Pizza changed what I would do that following week, which brought me where I am today. That pizza booth was my destiny-changing time machine, catapulting me to the future.

King Cotton, doing Roscoe’s wrap from John Cusack’s movie “Tapeheads,” then set my future into an entirely different direction.

What silly, seemingly inconsequential, moments changed the path to your future?

 

 

 

 

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