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Laughing Is More Fun Than Crying.

You’re Not Alone

Welcome! I’m an imperfect person trying my best in life as I share in my stories. In parenting, marriage, working, and interacting with other humans, I do my best to remain calm, sane, and havoc-free, but I often fail.

In 2019, I published my first book, “Craving Normal.” As I continue to work on my second book, a work-in-progress (still without a title), a traumatic and life-changing experience happened that I wanted to share. It’s included as a late chapter in my next book. I guess that author up in the cosmos decided to add some scary trauma and emotional chaos to my tales. These latest adventures I will share with readers in my last chapter have added some needed perspective, that’s for sure.

If you’re struggling, I hope my life experiences assure you you’re not alone.

Life’s tough. But it helps to find humor and magic. It’s there, in between the madness.

If You’ve Snort-Laughed Inappropriately at Awkward Moments, You’re My People.

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My Stories in “Craving Normal” Prove I’m Willing to Make A Fool of Myself

As writer Cynthia Heimel said, “When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.”

To find out what I mean, you can read my book, Craving Normal. Buy it on Amazon.

Yep, I have no problem being a fool, as you see.

As writer Cynthia Heimel said, “When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap."

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My Humiliating Moment with Rodney Dangerfield

Welcome to my new blog! I hear Rodney’s voice: “Tough crowd. Tough crowd.”

 

 

 

Above video: My 1.5 second scene with Rodney. I’m the blur on the right. I recorded that blur of a moment here:

Excerpt from my book “Craving Normal,” in my story “Confessions of a Hollywood Extra”:

While working as an extra on the movie “Back to School,” with Rodney Dangerfield, I sat about ten feet from Rodney and Sally Kellerman as they prepared to do a scene—the quiet of the set before the cameras rolled allowed my voice to carry. My female newlywed friend, another extra, wondered if I wanted to get married. The last thing on my mind! So I said, “I’m not meeting guys nice enough to go out with in LA. Can’t imagine finding one to marry.” My voice carried through the silent crowd.

Rodney’s voice boomed toward me. “Hey, Honey! Come down here! I’ll marry ya! I’ll marry ya, right now!” My face turned hot, and I’m sure as red as a tomato, while Rodney, the crew, and the extras laughed. Well, that was one way to shut me up. And it did.

On the bottom right, after hours in the blazing sun, using all my acting skills to become an enthralled, sports-loving, college student.


Bottom left, dancing to Oingo Boingo in the
Dead Man’s Party scene, in “Back to School.”

Jen (the blonde in the video thumbnail) is my newlywed friend I mentioned in my Rodney Dangerfield moment of humiliation. I’m dancing in this Oingo Boingo
video, next to Jen. But you have to stop the video to find me. And, of course,
I DID just that. I’m at 2:08.

 

 

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Cringe-Inducing Moment with Writer Sandra Tsing Loh

Before I ever dared publish my writing, or think about writing my own book, “Craving Normal,” (Because I don’t think I’ve bored you enough in previous posts about MY BOOK. Did I mention I wrote a book?) I merely admired the work of real writers, while hiding my own stories in binders. At the time, one of my favorite LA writers was Sandra Tsing Loh, author of “Depth Takes a Holiday”, and other work. Sandra had me hooked after I read her Buzz Magazine article, “The Joy of Temping,” where she wrote about working as a temp in the North San Fernando Valley – a “land of fluorescent lighting, faux hardwood paneling, olive-green carpet and gummy IBM Selectrics.” There, she was forced to wear nylons and eat lunch from the vending machine. Of course, the story was way more hilarious than my second-hand telling… But it made me laugh and I related. I’ve lived that temp life in the Valley. I knew just that color green carpeting.

Anyway, I began buying Buzz Magazine just for her witty tales of life in the San Fernando Valley. Reading her pieces inspired me to submit my writing. So I really wish my exchanges with Ms. Tsing Loh could have been wonderful. But, no! I had to make a fool of myself.

So, in the mid 1990s, when my husband and I went to a friend’s party, and I saw Sandra Tsing Loh there – dancing in front of the band – I knew I had to meet her. And, little did I know, our husbands, both musicians, know each other. Somehow we (Sandra and I) ended up at the same table. I don’t remember how. But it probably involved me skulking over there like a twelve-year-old fan. I cringe to recall the entire exchange. But part of it went something like this:

Me: Yeah, I’m taking a writing class right now…

Sandra nods and smiles.

Me: But my teacher, she smells a little musty – you know, she’s a little artsy-fartsy…

Right then, I wanted to smack myself in the head. I’d never, ever used that goofball phrase before. What a dork! I meant my teacher was a little new-agey, touchy-feely, took herself too seriously for my taste. Instead, I just blurted “artsy-fartsy.” It’s a phrase that might sound right coming from a 70-year-old woman who buys her living room paintings from Walmart to match her sofa.

Right about then is when Sandra began looking around for her husband, the bathroom, a drink, any reason to escape. I got the idea every new person she meets tells her about their dream to write, so maybe she just figured I was another writer-wanna-be, one who uses stupid phrases like “artsy-fartsy” and would just shame the writing world if I ever got published.

Well, that’s what I was thinking she was thinking. Sandra was actually really nice and supportive, leaving me with something like, “Well, we need more women writers,” before fleeing.

Still, I wanted to stick a cocktail toothpick in my eye.

I enjoy Lev Yilmaz’s work. But if I ever meet him, I’m sure it’ll be awkward.

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Life is Like Dating

The reason life is like dating is if everything went smoothly, just as we plan, all the time – no awkward experiences, no “get me outa here!” moments – it would be much harder to appreciate the pleasant moments. Life can be like people we may date: Awkward, odd, horrifying… but then, along comes a good one. After all the bad dates, you appreciate him/her all the more.

Here’s one blind date I experienced:

Right when we met and got into his car, the guy started making goo-goo eyes at me, trying to hold my hand, not taking the hint from my don’t-touch-me body language – arms folded over my chest, body pressed into the passenger door, and nervous laughter. At a stop light, he stared at me for an uncomfortably long time and said, “You remind me SO much of my dead sister.”

Nooooooooooo!

Oh, and it only got worse. The entire night he stared at me with a creepy reverence, as if I were an angel whom he’d never let go. Hence my physically wrestling him all night until I finally fled.

Still talking to myself on this blog, but if you happen to read this share one of your “date from hell” stories. I’m not the only one, right? We’ve all endured crappy dates. I know. Tell me about it.

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Wild Child

You can take the child out of the wild, but not the wild out of the child… apparently. This may explain many of my stories. When your brain is formed a certain way – on freedom, travel, adventure – makes it hard to be happy sitting in a cubicle, or locked up in school, following bells, rules and clocks. It’s a huge reason I’m self-employed. And why I’m still wild today.

Photo: Nude beach, Mykonos, Greece. I’m second from left; Little sister, far left, with beach friends.

I write about living in a rock hut on this nude beach in my book, “Craving Normal.” The story’s called, “That’s Not An Eel!”

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Constant Craving

(Photo: Here I am orating behind the podium at Anarchist Forum in Hyde Park, London. And, yes, I’m wearing lederhosen. See, you’d be ranting too if you had to wear suede shorts with suspenders, didn’t have a TV or any junk food. My dad wrote on this slide, “Michele mouthing off.” My mom said I drew a small crowd.)

Look I’ve been working on my book, “Craving Normal,” for so long I have posts on my dusty old blog about it… from – gulp! – ten years ago. As a lover of words, writing and books, every year I attend the LA Times Festival of Books. Here’s one such visit I blogged about on my now defunct (or is it de-funked, as in lost its funk?) blog, “Aprilbaby’s California Life” –

I walked by the NPR booth and heard author Susan Straight being interviewed.  I stopped because I heard her mention her eldest child was at the Coachella music festival.  The interviewer asked, “Oh, so do you think she’ll tune in to hear you on the radio?”

I knew I could relate to Susan when she said, “Uh, no.  She doesn’t listen to me at home.  Why would she want to hear me on the radio?”  Spoken as a true parent to a teenager.

Susan Straight is an author from the Inland Empire.  I only learned that after stumbling upon the book, “Inlandia,” and saw that the forward was written by the very same Susan Straight.  Intrigued, I bought the book and attended a panel discussion with Susan and other writers from “Inlandia,” an anthology of  writers from the Inland Empire.

My only time spent in the Inland part of California is whenever I have to pass through it heading for the San Bernardino Mountains to go skiing or the one time I cruised down part of Route 66.  As the  writers of “Inlandia” tell it, their home has been disparaged as nothing more than where the Hell’s Angels, neo-Nazis and smog dwell.  Until then, I knew so little about the Inland Empire, I didn’t even realize that much about the area. 

During the panel, the writers spoke of a place they grew up where orange groves and date tree forests were so vast they’d get lost in them; where the Santa Ana winds and the sand would blast the paint off of cars; where the air smelled of Eucalyptus and orange blossoms.  It was where they arrived, grew and stayed.

As a resident of the San Fernando Valley, another maligned Southern California area, I could relate.  While I’ve only read a few chapters of “Inlandia,” I’m really enjoying getting lost in the stories of their misunderstood land.

As I bought “Inlandia” from the Heyday Publishing Founder, Malcolm Margolin, he asked me what I do.  I told him I’m writing “Craving Normal,” my stories of growing up in California and traveling the world as the kid of hippies.  Malcolm, the bearded Allen Ginsberg look-a-like, threw back his head and laughed.  “Did your parents feed you lentil loaf when all you really wanted was junk food?” 

I slapped him on the shoulder.  “Yeah, how’d ya guess?”

He told me his kids could relate as children of hippies. 

“Yep, I just wanted a Twinkie,”  I told him.

He nodded in sympathy, as if he’d heard it a million times from his own now-adult kids.

Yet I’ve got a craving to be heard, so I persevere, closer than ever to having my book, “Craving Normal,” published. In all these years a lot has happened – raised my daughter who went off to college; started a successful business, Tree Audio; dealt with life and death – but always I go back to my stories, crafting them, shaping them, editing them. My craving is a constant obsession, as you see.

 

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Come to Our Commune

My first blog post!

How did we end up in a religious commune? Well, here I am in La Jolla, California dancing and singing to The Fifth Dimension’s “Aquarius,” just before these men (on the lawn) talked my dad into taking our family to stay at their religious commune in San Diego. Not that my dad was religious, just that he had a deep reverence for penny-pinching. Getting stuff free was the closest he got to a spiritual moment.

Wearing my super groovy vinyl dress, I danced and belted out, “This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius…” clueless about where we were headed.

More about this commune experience in my up-coming book, “Craving Normal,” in the story titled “Jesus Freak for Cheerios.” To keep posted on my new non fiction book, join my email list here: http://michelemilesgardiner.com/

 Observation: Looks like the woman in red scarf is scoffing at our hippieness, and/or at the dude on the left who may be toking a joint.

 

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